Okay, so I know that I am not the best at keeping up with my blog.... I will be the first to admit that. I will also admit, that I do think about posting often. I even have a conversation in my head going about what I am going to write about and how as soon as the kids go down, or I get home I am going write a new post. Well.... that doesn't happen.... ever. I know most, if not all of us moms feel like life is crazy, overwhelming and a bit rediculous at times..... well, I have that feeling often. I love my children so much, and we have had so much fun together this summer, we have swam and played and swam some more. It really has been an amazing summer!!!!!! I have felt very overwhelmed through it all also.
Harrison has been a fireball since the day that he was born. I remember all too well how much he cried and screamed no matter what Ben or I did. I would put him in the stroller and take him for a walk, and he would scream the whole time. I remember the looks that people used to give me like they were asking themselves, "does she know that her baby is screaming??????" I would take the walks, knowing it would't help, just so that I didn't have to listen to the sound magnified by the house walls :) I random people giving me advice on ways to calm him down, on things that Ben and I can do to make our home more peaceful or how they would parent him so that he wouldn;t be so sad all the time (really????????). I can't tell you how many times I have wondered if maybe I really wasn't the best mother for him, maybe I was doing a bad job at parenting him and out other children. Maybe it was me.
Over the last year, we have sought out help for, both Harrison and ourselves. He is an amazingly smart child, he gives the best hugs and kisses and he loves to learn new sign language, he loves school and loves primary. BUT, he struggles making and keeping friends, he has a difficult time with his temper and doesn't seem to understand others personal bubbles. It has been really hard to watch him struggle in these areas... It has been a test on my patience also, as he has been home with the other kids this summer. He is so happy one moment and then has a major melt down the next. We have had him tested by a numerous array of individuals and last year he was accepted into a special program for children with behavioral issues. The leading diagnosis is still the same.... PPD, some kind of behaviouralissue???? ........ Now what????? I don't know a whole lot about it to be honest... nor do I want to. What I want is to know what Ben and I need to do to help him. Help him control his outbursts, help him to understand the social ques of others around him, help him to be the little boy that we always dreamed he would be. There has been a lot of prayer and fasting on this matter.
Yesterday Ben and I started a new plan in our home. We unplugged the video games (the kids rarely played on them, but figured it couldn't hurt). We unplugged the TV's and took the Kindles away and plugged in some classical music .I have to tell you that the whole spirit in our home changed. Our challenges have not been fixed.... we still had melt downs and out burts and arguements, but I found that we all, as a whole were able to handle them better.
I walked into Jackson and Harrisons room last night to check on them and for the first time EVER..... the both of them were laying IN their beds chatting. I about broke into tears. I usually have to prepare myself for a mess of some sort (clothes thrown around the room, water driping from the train table....). It was a very tender mercy.
So as we continue on this journey together as a family, I continue to hope and pray that our Heavenly Father will give us the guidance that we need to make it to where we want our family to be.
I am sorry for the rant, but I just felt like this was something that I needed to write down.

This is Jackson, just before he went in for his MRI on Wednesday. Our Jackson has been complaining of pain and swelling in his ankles and knees for about a year now and has recently been experiencing fevers also. He has been recently seeing a Rheumatologist, because they thought that it was JRA (Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis). The MRI was supposed to comfirm the diagnosis. Well, we didn't get a comfirmation, but we did get some great news. The MRI was done on his right ankle (it seemed to be the worst, and at the last Dr appointment it was the one that was swollen) and they didn't find any Arthritis!!!!!!! They did however find a stress fracture :( Although it doesn't explain all of his symptoms that he is having, I am so excited that he doesn't have any permanent damage done. He is one tough cookie I tell you.

 Last week was super rainy and the kids were so bummed that we couldn't swim. We were actually on our way to a playdate when it started pouring rain. So, we turned around and headed home. The kids were all in their bathing suits and they were dyingto get wet, so they did what every child dreams of..... played and danced in the rain!!!!!!!

There is something to be said about playing in the rain. I remember when I was is college and a room mate and I got our grubbies and rain boots on, and out in the rain we went and stomped in as many puddles our hearts desired. By far one of the best days I had at college.

I used to put bows in Londons hair all the time. I love big bows in little girls hair. I think that there is nothing girlier. She fights me every Sunday when I try to put one in her hair. BUT today she let me!!!!!!! Ever seen anything cuter than this?????

We had signed up Bailee for a British Soccer camp several months back, and had said that we would be happy to host a coach from over seas. I had totally forgot that we had signed up as a host until last Thursday when I recieved a phone call from them saying that we needed to pick our coach up on Sunday at Katy park. We have never hosted anyone before, and I think that I was more afraid of what he would think of the chaos of 5 children running around more than anything. I was blown away by how gentle, kind, loving, and curious Craig was to our family. The kids fell in love with him and so did we. He left for another camp Sunday morning, and our home doesn't quite feel the same without him.

Harrison has become quite the swimmer this summer. He has learned to swim across the pool and now is able to swim to the bottom all by himself!!!! My favorite thing is to watch this kid swim unde water. He always has the biggest grin on his face, kind of like this one :)

Are these two not the cutest!!!! London has taken a liking lately to Jackson, more so than usual. She loves to follow him around and do exactly what he does.

 

Up until recently I had never thought of myself as a great mother. Now don't get me wrong, I love my children, love being their mother, I just never thought that I was very good at it. I liked to bake, but only when the kids were asleep (because it was always a bigger mess to clean up when they helped), I love to sew and do crafts, but just cant find the time to do them for myself and my family, not to mention the kids and all of their classmates,.... and I have tried joy school with my children, not once, but twice.... and hated every minute of it. So, there is a little glimps into why I did not feel like a great mother.... especially when I compared myself to other mothers I knew (because isn't that what us mothers do... we compare ourselves, our children, and our lives toeveryone elses).

 

Maybe it is one of those maturity things, (you know the ones that you say after the fact... "if I only knew then what I know now"). I realized that for me, that there has to be a time, and a season for everything. I used to always say that I was a stay at home mom and in my spare time I went to work a few shifts at the hospital as an L&D nurse. Well it has been almost 2 1/2 years since I have had any spare time and hence, have not worked a shift at the hospital. I really struggled being okay with not leaving the house to work. the hospital was my outlet, it was where I could be me, instead of someones mom or wife. It was where I was being praised for the good job I was doing.... And yet, I have learned, over all of this time out of work, that it is home where I have learned and grown the most.