Okay, so I know that I am not the best at keeping up with my blog.... I will be the first to admit that. I will also admit, that I do think about posting often. I even have a conversation in my head going about what I am going to write about and how as soon as the kids go down, or I get home I am going write a new post. Well.... that doesn't happen.... ever. I know most, if not all of us moms feel like life is crazy, overwhelming and a bit rediculous at times..... well, I have that feeling often. I love my children so much, and we have had so much fun together this summer, we have swam and played and swam some more. It really has been an amazing summer!!!!!! I have felt very overwhelmed through it all also.
Harrison has been a fireball since the day that he was born. I remember all too well how much he cried and screamed no matter what Ben or I did. I would put him in the stroller and take him for a walk, and he would scream the whole time. I remember the looks that people used to give me like they were asking themselves, "does she know that her baby is screaming??????" I would take the walks, knowing it would't help, just so that I didn't have to listen to the sound magnified by the house walls :) I random people giving me advice on ways to calm him down, on things that Ben and I can do to make our home more peaceful or how they would parent him so that he wouldn;t be so sad all the time (really????????). I can't tell you how many times I have wondered if maybe I really wasn't the best mother for him, maybe I was doing a bad job at parenting him and out other children. Maybe it was me.
Over the last year, we have sought out help for, both Harrison and ourselves. He is an amazingly smart child, he gives the best hugs and kisses and he loves to learn new sign language, he loves school and loves primary. BUT, he struggles making and keeping friends, he has a difficult time with his temper and doesn't seem to understand others personal bubbles. It has been really hard to watch him struggle in these areas... It has been a test on my patience also, as he has been home with the other kids this summer. He is so happy one moment and then has a major melt down the next. We have had him tested by a numerous array of individuals and last year he was accepted into a special program for children with behavioral issues. The leading diagnosis is still the same.... PPD, some kind of behaviouralissue???? ........ Now what????? I don't know a whole lot about it to be honest... nor do I want to. What I want is to know what Ben and I need to do to help him. Help him control his outbursts, help him to understand the social ques of others around him, help him to be the little boy that we always dreamed he would be. There has been a lot of prayer and fasting on this matter.
Yesterday Ben and I started a new plan in our home. We unplugged the video games (the kids rarely played on them, but figured it couldn't hurt). We unplugged the TV's and took the Kindles away and plugged in some classical music .I have to tell you that the whole spirit in our home changed. Our challenges have not been fixed.... we still had melt downs and out burts and arguements, but I found that we all, as a whole were able to handle them better.
I walked into Jackson and Harrisons room last night to check on them and for the first time EVER..... the both of them were laying IN their beds chatting. I about broke into tears. I usually have to prepare myself for a mess of some sort (clothes thrown around the room, water driping from the train table....). It was a very tender mercy.
So as we continue on this journey together as a family, I continue to hope and pray that our Heavenly Father will give us the guidance that we need to make it to where we want our family to be.
I am sorry for the rant, but I just felt like this was something that I needed to write down.